Jealousy is a funny animal. Funny not in a ha ha way, but in a poignant way. While I would describe myself as a person who does not really have any jealousy tendencies, I admit there are occasions of course where I have had jealous feelings.  However, those were usually born from warranted suspicion.   In certain scenarios when you are matched up with somebody with exaggerated jealousy tendencies in every aspect of their life, it tends to rub off on you in some shape or form, which is really unfortunate. It’s like walking in a mine field. It’s not an IF, it’s a matter of WHEN that bomb will go off.

I have learned hard lessons about jealousy, and regret the times when I did not abide by my own zero-tolerance rule for this. I don’t respond well at all to other people’s issues with needy jealousy, or the ultimatums that can often result from somebody trying to make themselves feel better by projecting their own insecurities on to me. If you decide to show somebody the door if their jealousy gets too much, stick with it. Don’t get sucked in if they come back with claims of a total about-face on their behaviour, because it will just come back ten-fold later on if they don’t truly address what it is that drives their jealousy. Jealousy is based in fear, and unless they address it at the root, it will continue to flourish.

If it’s not addressed, or if you allow it to continue by staying in the situation and just tip-toeing around the real problem, it may end up just having more of a negative impact on your own psyche in ways that you may not expect, and ironically, in turn that just solidifies the insecurities of the jealous person, like a twisted self-fulfilled prophecy. Until you realize that jealousy is just poison, it will just circle around and around and around, until you stop it and remove yourself. It’s a futile exercise trying to reason with or “fix” those people who are determined in their own narcissistic belief systems.  They may just feel that you’re just being unreasonable, or just plain unwilling to compromise. It always takes two tango, but adding jealousy to the mix is like having thumbtacks in your dancing shoes.

Relationships are about compromise, as always, but not when it comes down to a point when somebody throws out ultimatums to impact who is acceptable for you to call a friend. And curbing who you are simply in order to not make waves, doesn’t sound like much of a deal to me either. When it gets to that point, nothing you ever do will be enough to satiate their need to dominate and they will never feel loved enough, so stop trying to change that in them.  So to avoid becoming an unhappy shell of who you really are to try to make something work that was doomed by jealousy to begin with, just walk away. Save yourself.

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