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beanthinking

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relationships

your romance, it makes my eyes burn

Throughout my life, music has had a profound impact on me and as such I have countless vivid memories that are brought to the forefront of my mind when I hear certain songs.  Along with those memories often come the feelings that originally accompanied them, as if I was living that moment again, over and over.  There is one particular song that has the power to nearly stop me in my tracks, makes my heart heavy, and can also make my eyes well up if I’m feeling at all vulnerable.  Happily though, in the majority of these cases the feelings that are stirred up are warm, nostalgic memories.  There are some songs that simply make me feel at peace, even though I can’t recall what memory it was tied to, or even if it was tied to anything specifically.  I just know that I feel like I’ve been hugged from within, and that’s good enough for me.

A song played randomly on my ipod recently and I had a small internal giggle at the memory of the song, so I wanted to share.

Just a few years ago when I was in my late teens *ahem, cough*, I was dating this fellow and we were out for a drive in his car.  While at a red light, Crazy for You by Madonna came on.  When the song came to the lyric “I see you through the smoky air”, my boyfriend blew his cigarette smoke across the cabin of the car at me in I suppose what was supposed to be a romantic gesture, as he mouthed the words “Crazy for You” to me.

I’m sure at the time I somehow managed to find the romance in it, despite coughing from the smoke in my face and the sting in my eyes – I was only 18 after all.

Looking back I always hated that he smoked, but I dated him anyway.  That’s definitely not the case now, and in fact it’s a complete Show Stopper for me.

In case you’d like to relive this moment with me, here you go.  Mind your eyes.

 

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the search for perfection – check!

Have you found it?  Would you know it if you came across it?  Could you describe it to somebody if they asked you to?  Perfection.  It’s so vastly different to each person.  What’s perfect to me might make somebody else run for the hills.  What it is to you?

I’m sure a lot of people keep a checklist, if even a mental one of what their perfect is, of their perfect match, their perfect relationship.  But what happens if you get so caught up in what you think is perfect, you totally miss the boat?  I admit it, I have a checklist – of sorts.  It’s not a very rigid one mind you, just a smattering of preferences I have as well as some show-stoppers, compiled from past experiences, mixed in with some girlie fairy tale wishes (I know, gag!).  It’s not like I have anything written down, just things that, over time, have made me say “hmm, note to the file on that one” when I’ve encountered something a bit nutty, or something spectacular.  Mostly it’s about knowing myself, and what works best for me, or what hasn’t worked previously. I try to be as open-minded as I can, so I don’t paint myself into a corner, but let’s be honest, there are just somethings we each know we don’t want.

What is perfect anyway?  How do you know?  By checking off items on a list, a gut feeling, what?  And is perfect really perfect, or is it just having somebody who doesn’t drive you nuts on a consistent basis?  I’ve found snippets of perfect here and there, but not in one overall package.  If only I could do some Frankensteining to mash those bits together.  But I do know this, perfection is solely in the eye of the beholder.  I don’t actually expect “perfection”, just perfect for me.

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